Seven Rules for Meetings in the Music Business

1. When your manager is talking, it's best to shut the fuck up. She's probably following some strategy you don't understand.

2. If you happen to say something anyway: Never be honest! No one will appreciate it. You are being lied to, and you are expected to lie back professionally.

3. When lying, always be authentic. Authenticity is the most important thing for artists, everyone in the business knows that. Just be yourself. But only if you're a fucking cool dude. And a good liar. Otherwise rule 1 applies.

4. Don't worry too much if your conversation partner likes to talk about which of his artists are 'fuckable' and which have a 'horse face'. It would be premature to assume that he will talk about your female bandmates the same way at some point.

5. Never play your own music at the meeting. Nothing is more awkward than the silence afterwards.

6. It is important that your music 'picks up' the person you are talking to. You can't expect anyone in this business to move on their own.

7. If a sentence with 'doesn't pick me up' has been said about your music, you should try to end the conversation as quickly as possible to save yourself any further embarrassment.