Misunderstanding

Sept 08, 2022

I never imagined that Hans, of all people, would once make a significant contribution to a song lyric. You know that I hold him in high esteem on a musical level. But lyrics don't really matter to him. At least that' s what I thought. Apparently wrongly so. All the nights we've spent together recording vocals have built a delicate bridge between us that wasn't there before.

So we have found that there is a special experience that we share: The feeling of not being understood, in a quite literal way. Either simply because I have apparently spoken too softly - without even realizing. Or - and that' s more complicated - because the other person didn't hear what I wanted to say, but something else. This is not because of the words. It's something else that is conveyed through facial expressions, voice color, and small nuances in the melody of speech, something that I obviously don't have under control. And this other thing makes my words appear in a completely different light. People react disgruntled when I compliment them - at least in my perception. They feel criticized when all I really wanted to do was make a simple observation. It took me a while to understand that it's not the other person's fault, but mine. Friendships have fallen apart just because I was not able to control the subtext of what I was saying. I am trying to learn how to deal with it. Make the words as explicit and unambiguous as possible. Rather explain once more how something was meant. But it is still tedious.

I also see Hans through different eyes now. How often I was thrown off guard by his direct and brusque way of saying something. Now I realize that this bluntness is not meant in a derogatory or arrogant way, but is due to the inability to express the appropriate friendliness through facial expressions and voice color. And I know this problem and how one feels on the other side. It's good to learn that you're not the only one. And it helped me to find the right words. Which will hopefully be understood correctly, at least in musical form.