how to survive in the darkest of times

i can tell you a trick | for when your head is so deep inside black clouds that you can't see anything else - just black and black and more black >

then you get on the train and go to the main station | sit down on one of those cold metal benches | you have to stay for a while | and see what happens | lovers saying goodbye | and he comes back out of the train three times for one final kiss | children jumping into their daddys arms | old people picking up their grown-up kids who are studying somewhere far away but now they come home and it's just like it used to be | you see lots of people crying or knocking on windows or running after trains | when you've watched this for a while you know that the world can't be such a terrible place after all >

jin should have come with me | then she'd know that all is not lost and she could come out of her room again | and c could stop drinking whiskey with leo and till wouldn't have to chop wood all day long like a madman | and we could make music again and that way we'd get rid of it all - the frustration and the sadness and the fear that everything is going down the drain now | but I didn't even tell her when I left | I didn't knock her door after all | sometimes I could punch myself in the face