Discover more from The Holy Loneliness Collective (english)
July 23, 2022
Last night it finally happened. I managed to choke the thing out.
The dream was a little different this time. Again I see Leo with burning hair, but I remain silent. I can already feel something hairy swelling in my mouth, but I bravely keep it closed. Instead, I just stare at Leo and she stares back. Then I fall into her eyes and suddenly I'm standing in the nightly forest, between tall trees. I look around and catch sight of a light in the distance. Maybe a house. Slowly I move towards it, but now this thing is back in my mouth. With every step, it gets bigger and bigger. I fight it, pressing my lips together. But no chance. The hairy mass forces my jaws apart, I can't breathe, a shiver runs through my body and my eyes go black.
Then it's over. I kneel on the forest floor and mucus drips from my mouth. A few meters in front of me sits the hairy thing. A small animal, like a squirrel, but with dainty antlers on its head. I stare at it in disbelief as it shakes the slime from its wings and folds them carefully. When the creature sees me, it lets out a cackling, mocking laugh. Then it wheeles around and hastily hops away. I want to chase after it, but I have no strength left. I lie down on the forest floor and my senses fade.
When I woke up, I found that I was not in my bed, but in the garden between the juniper bushes. It was already dawn, and the birds were making a hell of a noise. Somehow I felt empty and drained, and there was a strange, sour taste on my tongue. Our house was still quiet, only in Hans' room there was a pulsing light.
Now I´m not sure whether to be relieved or to worry all the more. I spat out the critter - at least that could mean that it's over with the constant nightmares. On the other hand: I'm pretty sure I fell asleep in my bed. Which can only mean that I sleepwalked into the garden. Today I feel completely empty and faint, like after running a marathon. What is happening to me? Are there any sleep or dream experts among you? Can anyone tell me what this is all about?